Forget you not
by ShutupnRead
Summary: Bella returns to the meadow after a car crash leaves Edward ignorant of their love. This is just a look into her life, mind, and pain of losing him. One shot. AH.


**I don't own Twilight so just shut up n read~**

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God it was beautiful she thought to herself, breathing a sigh of relief at the unchanged Eden around her. It was her last piece of heaven she had of him and she was determined nothing change. The constant rains in Forks seemed to have a good side when it came to the lush flower filled area around her. Everything was rich and soft with bright, vibrant colors that no artificial plant could compare to.

She picked her way carefully through the trees, careful not to trip over any protruding roots or stones, or, let's be honest, thin air. She had a gift for tripping over nothing at all as she was painfully reminded of by everyone around her. As if she didn't know. As if she didn't remember that curse every second of her life since the accident.

Not today, she sighed to herself, 364 days out of the year you can mope and wallow and drown in self pity all you Bella, but not today. Because, today was a very special day for her; a day of happiness. It was the crowning achievement of her life and she was determined to look upon it all fondly.

It was their anniversary.

Not of their first meeting. Not even of their first "time" together. Not of the engagement, or their marriage, or their confession. If one thought on it long enough in fact, they'd be hard put to find what golden moment she could be celebrating on such an ambiguous day.

The truth was, none of her friends ever understood it either, but they'd taken it all the same as something she had to do. To do for herself even, when so much of her life centered around someone else. Just today, she would remember him. The idea had come to her when a random pop-up came up on the computer at home a beautiful lush little getaway and she remembered it.

It was the day his armor had cracked.

Nothing big. He still looked on her with contempt in school. And it had been slow going from the very beginning, so you'd think she'd pick a brighter day in which to crown their anniversary, but this suited her fine. It had been a day of hope for her. Just a miniscule ray of hope that told her the effort wasn't for nothing.

She'd followed him to this clearing that day so many years ago, curious. He always seemed to disappear, so mysterious and aloof. She couldn't help but be attracted to the school enigma. It didn't matter how many people surrounded her when the only one she could focus on was him.

Edward.

Ahh, it was like a knot unwinding in her chest, relief to finally even think his name. She always stuffed those feelings away, refused to think about them even for a moment. But as she walked over to a particularly plush section of tall wildflowers and fell into them -laying as if about to make a snow angel- she closed her eyes, letting the memories wash over her.

He'd always hated her, from the first day she'd walked in the door; she'd known he hated her. And it killed her inside to never know why. Just like it killed her now to have her answer.

Being seated at random, she'd thought it was fate's way of telling her to befriend this dark man when she sat beside him. Only, he'd begun to slide as far away from her as possible, refusing to meet her eyes, not even speaking to her when she introduced herself. It was as if she wasn't there at all, the only clue was the rigid posture he sat with and the way it looked as if he was trying to be as far away from her as possible.

She had to admit, it had stung her, the way he acted around her. People told her not to worry about it, that he didn't like interacting with people, but she was determined. The more he tried to get away from her, the more she chased after him. It was a matter of pride to her and she threw herself into the task wholeheartedly.

The friends she'd made quickly faded into white noise. None of them mattered to her more than Edward. She didn't know why it was so important, only that she had it in her head that she could me the one to crack open that harsh outer shell and find what was beneath.

It had been slow going, but she didn't mind. He occupied her mind almost all of the time and her grades began slipping. Her father worried, and her teachers wondered what was happening. She had to take a break in order to pull herself back up to A's, and her progress took a turn for the better.

She found when she wasn't paying him complete attention; his muscles would actually relax, though he stayed at the far edge of his seat. When she sat down and cracked open a book, he'd breathe a sigh of relief and uncoil from his tense position. As her grades climbed again, he stopped shifting in his seat.

Every time a particular subject caught her interest and she made a face, she'd notice out of the corner eye, that the corner of his mouth would twitch. An almost smile, just for her. The first time she saw it, she'd been so shocked she'd begun to stare and he quickly reverted back to his old antics.

It set her back a few days until he would relax around her again. She started making a show of studying just to catch that glimpse of a smile again. That heart breakingly beautiful crooked grin. The less attention she paid him, the greater the grin.

Curiosity got the better of her one day when she saw him leaving from the school and going into the woods. Asking around, it seemed like no one knew what he did up there. Quickly, knowing she was risking breaking months of progress, she'd given chase. It had been a long and painful trip through the woods as she constantly tripped and stumbled, nearly losing sight of him as he went along sure footed.

When she'd finally made it into the clearing, all of her breath left her at once and she could only just give a small gasp that gave away her position. He'd glared angrily and looked prepared to send her back when the words were whispered out.

"It's beautiful," she'd sighed, drinking in the perfection that surrounded her even now.

That was the moment everything had changed for her. It told her not to give up. He smiled. And not just the beautiful crooked smile she sometimes saw when he glanced at her himself, but a full blown, earth shattering, heart stopping smile to make angel's weep in envy. And he'd smiled directly at her so that she couldn't even breathe, couldn't move even if Satan himself rose out of the ground and gave chase. Nothing on heaven or earth could have moved her from that spot.

She hadn't dared blink lest she miss a second of that smile that promised she would never stop chasing him until he was hers. And then he'd said it, those two hopeful words that sent her to the moon and back faster than any airship.

"Isn't it?" he'd asked her, sitting down in the grass.

They'd spent the rest of the time in companionable silence. He wouldn't allow her too close, and he wouldn't look at her again, but it was enough to just sit there and watch this beautiful creature in a just as beautiful setting. How fitting it was, and how out of place she seemed to be there.

Yes, it had taken her a grievously long time to sway him to her side. Their first kiss, their first date, their going steady, and their first time, all of it had come so much later. She got her kiss at senior prom after he'd rejected being her date. The date was over summer break when he'd saved her from a drunken group of middle aged men. He hadn't asked her out though until almost the end of her freshman year in college.

Three years. It had taken her three whole years to get just an official date with him. Most people would have given up by then, but she had seen her chance on this day, eleven years ago. And that was why she celebrated this day.

If not for this day, she never would have persevered for as long as she had. She'd never have gotten to know his little quirks and peeves and mannerisms like she did now. But, none of that mattered anymore. Not after the accident.

She worried herself into several strands of white hair, waiting for him to wake up after the crash, and when he did, she felt horrible for wishing he'd stayed asleep. At least in the coma she could sit there and watch his peaceful expression. Imagine those beautiful green eyes that lit up inside when she was around. The soft lips he would plant butterfly kisses all over her body with. The strong and nimble fingers he played piano with and held her heart.

Then he'd woken up and everything changed. Those hands she loved smashed her heart between them. Those lips she kissed drew back in a snarl. Those eyes that expressed so much registered only hate. It was in those first few moments that he'd woken she'd known something was wrong.

He threw out of the room with unmasked hatred. Making it clear to the surprise of everyone how much he wanted her dead when she tried to reason with him and he'd pinned her to the wall in a chokehold. At least at school his hatred had been more a quiet stew. He'd simply avoided her. Now, older, he couldn't hide such a fury and it didn't just break her heart, it ripped it out of her chest.

She'd stayed anyways of course, not willing to give up on him so quickly. Not after everything she had been through to get him. She paid the medical bills, organized the expenses. Replaced the car. Took care of the house. Visited the hospital when he was sleeping.

A month passed and there were no changes in his attitude. The doctors mentioned progress in the rehabilitation he was undergoing then. Months asleep with broken bones, fractured ribs, shredded muscular tissue had done a number on his body. She was happy to hear it. Another month went, and he had to be sedated after attacking her in the hall when she was leaving the office. He was out of the wheelchair- she tried to be happy about it. One more month, and she was on first name terms with all of the hospital staff who gave her pitying looks whenever they crossed paths. Edward was doing well with three months of rehab plus hours of surgeries mixed in. He'd be out in the world again soon.

She was not happy.

Getting out meant she'd never see him. But she smiled anyways. She always smiled. Even as her life droned on emptily and she moved mechanically from responsibility to responsibility; still maintaining the house and bills.

The fourth month and she was putting on weight despite never eating and always vomiting. She'd asked about her period after the first month, and they told her stress was putting it off. Fourth months into term and she knew they were wrong. Her belly began growing and she made herself eat anything available.

She stopped going to the hospital, paying for everything by mail. She moved out of the house and into a smaller apartment. Looked for online jobs. Shopped for the child growing inside of her. The last piece of Edward she would ever have.

She'd made herself move on. Made herself put those memories aside to take care of the infant she was expecting. She returned to the social circle of her group of friends and they were amazed to see the drastic change from catatonic zombie to glowing mother. No one had expected it, but they were happy for her.

They wanted her to tell Edward, but she refused. She would not subject her child to the hatred of their own father. That was too much. And so she returned to her life B.E., _before Edward,_ and moved to Chicago; the city of bad memories and the root of Edward's hatred.

Her late father had been a cop on his way to being chief of police. He was renowned for honesty and the number of arrests he made in the criminal world. Everyone loved him. Except his wife; her mother. Renee had run off with a pro baseball player when she was too young to remember her being around. She grew used to taking care of herself. Her father was always out on patrol.

There was a big medical convention in the city one week and the cops were on theirs toes for any doctors smuggling in drugs to the gangs centered in town. Edward's father had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. My father was in pursuit of Quil Ateara; a major drug runner for the Black Cartel. If he could catch him, he could bust the clan wide open and have that promotion. Unfortunately, Quil preyed on the young doctor Edward Sr. for help. Feigning innocence and injury as my father closed in.

Being a cop in Chicago, going after one of the meanest men on the streets, my dad pretty much had a license to kill. Or at least to maim. He told me once that he would never kill someone willingly if he could incapacitate them.

Quil drew a gun and my father fired. Mr. Heart-of-gold Mason stepped in the way, intent on defending this absolute stranger. How was he to know the man was was responsible for the deaths of over fifty people? That he played a key role in the Black Cartel's business. After all, the good doctor was only in town for the convention.

Again, how was my father to know anyone would defend this man from his gun? He forgot about the out of towners, the people that didn't know any better. The bullet that had been aimed for Ateara's thigh hit the jumping doctor straight in the chest. He died instantly.

And Edward held me responsible as the daughter of the man who killed his father. Of course, he didn't phrase it so kindly as that when he spat his explanation in my face.

Back in town, no one really remembered me and I lived quietly with myself. I gave birth to a stunning boy who had the nurses wrapped around his pinky in seconds four months later.

I made myself live for the tiny angel God had sent to me. He had his father's eyes and bronze locks, but he smiled constantly, laughing, joyous, all mine. He loved me and I gave him everything. When he asked about his father I explained that he had died in a car crash. And it wasn't a lie. The Edward I knew -the one that took me three years to get a single date with- he was dead.

Maybe he could be revived, maybe I could work again at cracking his heart- but I didn't. I couldn't. In my timeline with Edward, this meadow was the first major turning point in our relationship and the only one worth celebrating. My first kiss the year after was the beginning of the end. The date in college was something to soften the blow. The proposal with his mother's ring came graduation day of my fifth year in college; it was a memory to cling to at night. At twenty-seven, with the son of a memory passed, I couldn't find it in me to tackle the challenge all over again.

It took me seven years to make Edward mine. We were married for another four before the car crash erased everything. Maybe Edward had just finally given in to my never ending perseverance and let me have him. Maybe he'd been tired of fighting me. To have forgotten me and let such hatred return after the crash when I remembered every minute detail of our lives, how could he have loved me an ounce as much as I loved him?

Pain choked in my throat and I cried silently, letting myself feel freely without trying to stop it. This was my one day to relive it all.

I pulled the ipod out of my pocket and flipped the volume as high as it would go, pressing play blindly; knowing what would come. The first soft strains of an old lullaby came to me in the meadow and I only breathed, my eyes closed as I remembered everything.

My lullaby soothed me gently and I felt myself uncoil and melt away into nothing. Only this song existed, spiraling around me. Proof of his gentle and romantic nature. My soul lifted and I spun in the happy memories. I had the playlist set to loop with Clair De Lune and Fur Elise as well.

Sometime in between my sweet reverie I drifted off to sleep and my ipod fried when the rain began to come down again. It was cold of course, but it felt good, like I was being cleansed down to my soul.

I had thought this would be a one time visit. Just a chance for solid closure after everything. But I knew, as I lay there in a wonderful heaven of flowers and memories, I knew I would be back.

Because I would not forget.

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**Review what you think and if I should continue or not**


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